Monday, July 24, 2006

laziness!

sorry but i'm really horrendously lazy to update this thing. gah.
but i always have lots to say-everyone who knows me knows that. and i like ranting here.
but i can't really say everything i want here though. some things too personal, some things have to be eh, disclaimed. haha
musical practice will be over soon. we had a trial audience yesterday. it went great! i'm sure the musical will be a success. just that it's really expensive. haha.
i feel slack now. like light, burdenless. okay maybe not burdenless. switch the words around a lil. less burdens. haha. yea, and it's a great feeling (:
we sang take it all from the hillsongs united we stand album for combined chapel this morning. we had it in the quadrangle, led by love mg. <3 they taught us actions for the brigde. uber cute. haha. and we also sang Jesus loves me this i know. it's such a beautiful song. really comforting. sometimes i sing it when im in tears. haha. it gives you like, peace and assurance.
oh and a random thing. haoqing's nick has haven on it. the acsi concert name. i like that word. haven's like, a place where i'll really feel at ease, light, free, free from worries. and happy. with joy.
oh and anyways, what's the diff between joy and happiness? someone told me before but i forgot. haha.
anyways, not much more to say tonight. guess i'm feeling lazy.

verses :
searching the world
the lost willbe found
in freedom we live
as one we cry out
you carried the cross
you died and rose again
my God, i'll only ever give my all

You sent your Son
from heaven to earth
You delivered us all
it's eternally heard
i searched for trusth
but all i found was You
my God, i'll only ever give my all

Chorus:
Jesus we're living for your name
we'll never be ashamed of you
our praise and all we are today
take, take, take it all
take, take, take it all

bridge:
runnign to the One who heals the blind
following the shining light
in your hands the power to save
the world, my life
take it all- hillsongs united

Posted by jann at 23:24

Thursday, July 20, 2006

screwed.

cry.
maybe i'm a crybaby, i cry too much.
i'm not used to publicly expressing my feelings out loud.
but i think i should say this.
my head hurts from trying to make sure every syllable that leaves my lips is not shallow, but has gone through much thinking over.
why bother making everything sound good? why does everything have to make sense.
i want to be young and innocent again.then i don't have to think and dig so hard for the right stuff to say. what's the use of philo. philo is meaningful. but it's useless.
philosophy, according to my hist textbk, seeks to answer questions on how man behaves the way man behaves and why. that kind of stuff. and they all add up to the four main questions we have in life : identity, significance, purpose and i forgot the fourth.
point is, i have a religion, the one and only religion, that answers all four. why bother to do philo then.
we've been doing richard paul's wheel of reasoning in class recently. it stimulates deep thinking, requires alot of skill and practice, and according to mrs ng, takes a student two years to muster.
it's no wonder why my head hurts so much.
every time i type out a question, like why can't i be young and innocent again? i delete it.cos i know the answer and i know what's going to happen when i ask this kind of questions.
had swimming pe today. first two periods at acjc.
took bus there with erv. we were talking this kind of philo stuff. and abt Christianity as well.
swimming was fun.
i'm tired of blogging like this, worrying abt what i can say and what i cannot say. what kind of responses i will get if i write a three word straight and direct statement.
world, stop judging and questioning.
the bible says we are in the world but not part of the world. how i wish i could be that not-part-of-the-world person.
and words are often empty and have no value to it. i realise i always can figure out the right things to say, but at the same time not mean what i say. the price is $0.00
i enjoy crapping. because if what i say is categorised as crap,i can freely say whatever baseless and illogical words i like and not get shot back at for doing so.
why do you have to make things so complicated?
some songs do have some meaning after all. they reflect our thoughts on life.
honestly, i know i'm not supposed to say this but i don't know my purpose in life.
i shall get scolded for saying that because i'm supposed to know right.
today was on the whole a bad day. i guess i looked happy and relaxed but i feel really really screwed.
my shoulders ache as usual, i'm discouraged, my eyes are sore, i need asprin.
i shall stop wallowing in self-pity,ya.
i'm blessed to even be able to study.
maybe i wouldnt mind living in a well.
oh wells.

Posted by jann at 18:48

Sunday, July 16, 2006

finally updating.

Sunday, 16 July 2006
i havent updated in ten days! haha
nicole just sent me all the songs in high sch musical.thanks nicole! (:
okays let's do a day by day thing. it'll be a miracle if i can rmb what happened on all the days, considering my warped memory.

okays i think i'll start from wednesday.
had chem open book test. it was quite okay.i'm pretty sure i passed.haha.
thursday :
-lunched with kerpal at westmall. then took bus together to his hse that stop.i had piano. and my piano teacher lives round the corner from his hse.
-had mep test.nine half over ten! haha.almost there!
friday :
hist test! the entire chapter four on religion. the funny part was that christianity is not included in our hist tb.okays, it's not funny, i'm not laughing. haha.there was pretty much to study for.i think i did okay enough to pass, but probably can't score.i forgot the structure of an essay questions.haha.
saturday :
-went for choir in the morning. we've pretty muched finished learning all the songs for r-age awareness.and we're going to be singing for grace two opening too, with the adult and children's choir.
-after choir went to ps for lunch with sam, his cousin gabriel, lydia hee, phuisee, hch, lester, hoho and james. sam and gabriel went to bk and the rest of us ate at yoshi.
-i attempted to go for dance but by the time i got there, it was four sixteen. great.haha.dance just ended.
-then my parents came to pick me. went swimming at sembawang country club.havent been there in such a long time. and havent swam in an even longer time. i swam fifty laps straight.
-ate dinner there, then went home.
-at home. eat fruits. collapsed on bed. slept at ten pm! (:
sunday (today) : cell by soowei.there's regional worship next week.altar call for service was for those who wanted to love God more. i went up. then i started asking myself.do i even love God? when i share Christ with my friends, am i doing it because i know i will be able to convince them to accept Christ, for the sake of doing so, or because i love God? maybe i don't love God at all? that would be really sad. maybe i haven't been meaning what i sing? maybe i've been serving with other intentions? i really don't know the answers. only God knows.i guess i just have to ask Him.
oh and i so like the lyrics of i make my life a prayer to you. does anyone have the song? can you please send me?
and who am i (casting crowns) is a great song(:
-went lunching with abby sharon phuisee amanda deborah vern sam matt jtoh gabriel john hch at subway.had classic tuna and totally bloated myself.walked arnd far east and looked for a present for abby's friend.
-went home.

life moves on so quickly,some times we need to stop to take a breather,or to just sit in the bus and stare outside of the window, without the burden and worry abt work and duties.
i really wish i was in pri sch now.but i guess we all have to grow up someday. oh wells.
SIGH.
how many times do i smile with a genuine smile, really smiling because i'm happy, and not because i'm obliged to. so many people wear masks, the cover up, they hide the inside. am i one of them?
there are so many things man cannot answer, and try to answer. but sometimes we really can't answer things, but God can answer everything (:
God is good, all the time.
all the time, God is good!
melt those frozen tears.
take lots of care, everyone.
love! <3
janjan. <3

Posted by jann at 19:19

Thursday, July 06, 2006

one week lag

thursday, july 06, 2006

hey.havent blogged in a long while. cos the skin went dead and now i have to post and dump my posts in the template, i was too lazy the entire last week to do so. i cldnt concentrate during sundays service. as usual.i am only efficient when i concentrate and focus, which is, pretty rare. haha. i dont enjoy being online late at night. its demanding on my body. and i have a geog test tmr. weathering and erosion. we end sch at twelve tmr (:
anyways. my msn personal msg now is 无知也是幸福. it's really true, ignorance is bliss. they say the truth hurts. sometimes it's better to know less, or nothing, or not understand the true meaning of smth. it is a blessing in itself. i dont have to know everything. what i need to know will be told and revealed to me in His time, including my studies. the rest, i shall try not to probe. if it is not told to me, i shall not go after it. patience is a skill, a discipline. i want to be patient and wait upon the Lord too! (:
and i also realised that things aren't always what they seem. some small lil things may be blown big. sometimes its our perception its big and worth worrying, but actually the matter is just a puny thing. makes me think, is perception necessarily reality? does perception always create reality? and also, i really want to thank the Lord for all His blessings upon me. many things which seem like troubles are actually blessings. it just takes some realisation. it's how we look at the matter actually. and i'm glad i see my life as a blessing(: i want to learn from mrs ng. i find her a very very inspiring motivating thinking and good teacher. i want to be like her, not basing my self esteem on interaction. people can fail us. but God wont. people can make us feel bad about our selves, but God will comfort us. i like mrs ng! haha.
and oh, i wrote szemins, deborah lius, jessies, and gabrielle wais letters already! FINALLY. ive owed them like, three weeks each, at least. haha. still have acouple more to write ithink.
oh and jenn's wife, sis sw gave birth! its a boy! josh. on july fourth. such a cool date, eh? congrats jenn. and be a good daddy! (:God has indeed blessed His people.
so to all ppl out there. everything we receive, things that happen to us, are all blessings. it's just how we look at it. so choose to see it as ablessing, and you'll feel good abt everything. problems and troubles are blessings too!
i realised my posts have been turning more and more unlike the previous posts. these posts are more reflective, deeper. well not as deep as matts but, deeper than last time.
okays, till then!
love! <3

Posted by jann at 23:24

Saturday, July 01, 2006

empty template!

i just found out that my template has been empty since thurs.i tried abt ten times to get in, until i finally went to check my template.haha.i dont know how it dissappeared. i guess i accidentally cleared the template. how blur of me! haha.
i'm alone at home now. my parents and brother are out until tmr. some church-organised hiking trip at mount smth in malaysia.haha. my sis is out and i have no idea where she is. all i know is that i want my dinner!haha.
thursday's prayer meeting was GOOD, satisfying. new member! (: chloe of one m i think. she's from chc. same as candice. for worship, ga suggested we close our eyes so we wont be distracted or self conscious. thought that was a good idea. then we started praying. we didnt have a prayer list so we just prayed about anything the Holy Spirit prompted us to. we prayed mostly about strength in God for our daily lives and activities and revival within the group and in mg. when ppl started entering the classroom after awhile, and we were still praying loudly, we didnt stop. i didn't get distracted for once. we just continued. i'm really glad i still managed to concentrate. i sometimes find it hard to do so during service.actually quite often in service.
sch this week has been busy and tiring. but pretty good on the whole (:
had r-age choir prac this morning. got a new song - through it all. the harmonising was beautiful.
abby finally came for choir!
after that (small) amanda, hoho, sam, and his cousin gabrielle, and me went for lunch. went to taka. i had an entire box of meiji chocolate coated macademias for lunch (: haha. i so love meiji products. and those at take are really inexpensive. then left earlier with amanda cos i had to go for ballet.amanda told me her big secret! haha. but shh. im not supposed to tell. when we parted (sounds so drama, haha) at the mrt station, she said she would call me later. she called about two mins later.haha. i didnt expected her to call so soon. so we talked from when i was walking to the bus stop, on the bus, reached btp, while i was changing to my ballet attire( i wore my burgundy leo today! (: ) , tying my shoes, doing my hair, until i had to go in for class. haha.i feel bad for her hp bill. it was outgoing call time for her. i was abt twenty mins late for ballet! ahh.haha.
we got our ballet exam results today! i got eightysix (distinction) thank God! (: yuiko got one mark lower than me, clara got 83, xinyi got 77 and i think the rest is merit. stacie didnt come today so dont know her marks. so for now, i'm top in class (:YAY. highest in forms is 89.
i'm really happy with my results.i thought i wldnt do well this year. thank God (:
i have no idea what's going to happen now. my sister still isnt home. am i supposed to buy my own dinner, or is she buying back? if im supposed to buy my own, i'll just cook smth later. i'm too lazy to go to buy food.haha.
and a little smth more. i think pride stands in the way of alot of things. and often, pride is an indirect, or one of the factors of conflicts. i really want to put down my pride before God. dont mean like i have no sense of self respect, but not to think that i'm as great as God, or greater.
okays. nth more to say.
take care, everyone (:
LOVE <3
jan.

Posted by jann at 19:02